Life / New year, new me? Probably not

I’m an idealist. When something goes wrong, I panic and think of the worst case scenario but I always try and see the positive. Sometimes however, so many shit things happen in quick succession that it dampens your outlook and makes you wonder if life really is as rubbish as some make it out to be. 2015 has really made me wonder.

However, when the clock strikes midnight, I know that it isn’t going to be the start of a new chapter, or that the new year is going to be a blank slate. If life has taught me anything in the last few months, it is that we’re lucky to be living it and things happen regardless of whether the year is just beginning or ending. This is mainly due to the last month or two of relentlessly bad news. My grandfather’s dementia is getting worse. My boy problems are constant (what a surprise). My family are constantly stressed and making themselves ill as a result. My friend passed away.

The latter is something I never thought I would have to experience, especially not at the age of 20. Dan was a wonderful young man who was taken from us too soon, and like a lot of my friends, catapulted me into a very low, dark place. I lost all motivation to do my university work, I would (dangerously) black out after a couple of drinks with friends and didn’t handle it in the way that was best for me. All I can say is I’m grateful to 2015 for giving me not only Dan, but also some of the best friends I’ve ever known. I met them all in January, when I joined a new record label at my university. New Street Records has brought me so much love and joy, and I don’t know how any of us would have made it through the last month or two without each other. If you guys are reading this, thank you for everything.

Music has been a big part of this year. It was the year I finally started writing about it, editing articles and reviews and exploring new artists – some of my best friends have come through music, with not only NSR but my university newspaper, Redbrick, giving me some of the best opportunities (meeting Jo Whiley, interviewing my favourite bands) and also introducing me to even more wonderful people. It’s made me remember how much I love writing and confirmed that I’m doing the right thing when I ‘procrastinate’ in writing a blog post or two.

2015 has brought me some wonderful things: I met some of my favourite bands/artists, became an editor at my student newspaper, visited Spain a couple of times with some of my absolute best friends, witnessed two of my cousins get married and for the most part, had a great time at university. There are some people in particular I don’t think I could have done this year without, ‘nick’s baes’ and the EAF to name a few (you know who you are), and knowing that I can actually work at and pass my degree has been one of the most satisfying things to happen all year.

On a world scale, 2015 has been the scariest yet. Terrorist attacks, the refugee crisis, yet more American shootings: the list goes on. The fact that I move to Spain next year absolutely terrifies me in one sense, purely as no one can predict what could possibly happen next in the world. However, from the outpourings of support and love across social media, it shows me that although things are becoming more and more barbaric in one way, there is hope and faith in mankind in realising how awful these atrocities are.

I’m an idealist. Being hopeful is something I’m very good at, and I’m crossing my fingers that 2016 does go well. Counselling, new (and more exciting) university modules, radio shows, writing for some new blogs, visiting new cities and eventually moving to Spain are just some of the things to look forward to. As long as I have my very best friends alongside me to laugh and cry over a pint with, how bad can it really be?

Happy new year, guys. I hope you’ve all had a good one.

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